Writing Under the Influence

You sit down at your computer and stare at a blank page for half an hour, thinking to yourself, How am I ever going to get this post/paper/chapter/scene/etc. done when I can't even get a single word on the page?

I don't care if you're a seasoned novelist or a freshman in high school, I think we've all been at this point a few times in our lives.


What do you reach for when that happens?

All writers want to be the most interesting man/woman in the world.

You know the commercial, the one with the wizened yet irreverent man sitting in a bar with a cocktail in hand, attracting the interest of other patrons (or TV viewers, as the case may be) with an effortless charm. People in general, and writers specifically, seem to gravitate to such a persona, which explains why the Dos Equis brand has stuck with those ads for years. Writers see their beloved Hemingway in those commercials. Hemingway was a notorious drinker, which adds to a certain mythology surrounding alcohol and creative writing. Alcohol is a part of many aspiring writers' "method," "habit" or "process." But the number of successful authors who drink regularly are far fewer than aspiring writers imagine.

I can almost see the argument, though. Getting past that first page is a terrible burden. Before the first words, there is a storm of self-doubt which brews inside authors' heads. We are inhibited by that doubt, and thus anything which might break through it seems welcome. Too bad the downside of the help alcohol provides far outweighs its benefit.

Never film yourself dancing when you're drunk if you plan to watch it sober.

We all know people can't drive when they are drunk, nor can they dance, sing, draw, or do anything which requires the higher functions of a brain. This is common knowledge, but how many people think those rules don't apply to them? How many people drink and drive, thinking they are an exception? How many people only dance when they are drunk, knowing that their skills haven't improved, only their ability to ignore the judgment of others.

How many regret what they have done the morning after when they think back on what they did?

Writing is no exception to these rules. Nobody can write well when they are drunk. You can't write well when you are drunk. Nobody means nobody. Yet writers convince themselves that, if Hemingway could do it, so too can they. But Hemingway wrote sober in the mornings and drank at night, something which adherents to drunken scribbling seem to ignore.

Even if one chooses to use alcohol or similar chemical means to get past inhibitions or to gain inspiration, 90% of the work of writing takes place in the editing stages. That is where the fevered delusions of your imagination come together to form a smart, coherent work. Have you ever woken from a dream and written something you think is profound only to read it later and wonder what you were thinking? Now imagine reading a book made entirely of inebriated recollections of ideas which, when they see the light of day, come across as shallow or even unintelligible. That is what drunk writers produce. Maybe that junk can be transformed in editing, but it is certainly no justification for writing while under the influence.

...

Wow, I guess that post has been building in me for longer than I've been working on this blog. I started off trying to explain why pistachios are my favorite thing to have on my desk when I'm writing, but ended up writing a screed instead.

I could start over, but... nah. Someone out there needs to read this today.

Sorry for the rant. Work on my sequel to The Tide Washed Her Away is going well, in case you needed an update. I'll be back next week!